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My last words to Luke

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Lukes Dad's picture
on Sun, 03/11/2012 - 05:15

LOOK AT ME LUKE. (He looked me straight in the eye as I continued.)
I LOVE YOU MORE THAN ANYONE WILL EVER LOVE YOU LUKE. I LOVE YOU MORE THAN ANYTHING IN THE WORLD. I LOVE YOU SO MUCH LUKE. I AM TRYING TO GET YOU BACK THEY JUST WONT GIVE YOU BACK.

I kissed him and tried to act happy so as not to upset him, but I was worried sick throughout the whole visit about him going back to that house, especially with the scratches on his face. When I mentioned the scratches to the visit supervisor and informed her he was always bruised and scratched, even burnt, she told me he had scratched his own face, that is what his foster carer had told her.
My suspicion is the old lady let them all abuse my little baby and turned a blind eye to it. Luke drove off in the back of the child safety car and I collapsed to the ground in front of the playground and cried and cried and cried.
I kept telling people I knew I was never going to see him again. I was standing on the shore and looking out to sea. He was in a boat drifting further and further out to see screaming "DADDY, DADDY."
I did a drawing for him but I was telling people "I know I am never going to get to give it to him."
That is how strong the bond was between me and Luke. I cried that whole week til I got the call that Luke was in intensive care.
When they finally let me in to see him, half his brain was dead because he had been left lying so long with a fractured skull. He was in a coma, on morphein, but when I said "Lukey, Daddy's here", a tear came out of his eye.
I watched over the course of six days as Luke's brain died off and he lost control of each organ. After the third day they wanted to turn off the machines as he was still not breathing on his own, and had not done since his arrival at hospital.
I went to him in his coma, and I said to him "Luke, you start breathing for Daddy, right now", and I started breathing real loud to show him I wanted him to breathe.
My little champion started to breathe for me, and kept breathing for 8 hours, til it was just too much for my little baby. He made me so proud. I stayed and slept with him in my arms each night until on the final day they turned the machines off and Luke died in my arms.
I let his mum sleep with Luke in her arms on the last night because I believe a sick child wants to be in his mothers arms, and a dying child wants to die in the arms of his father.

I have to do whatever I can for Luke. I always did and I always will. Where I failed was not being able to be thought of as a good father by DoCS. Everyone could see how much I loved Luke and that he was better off with me. By fighting for justice for Luke I still have him in my life. I don't know how I could go on without living my life for him.
I have generated over 10000 hits on Luke's various sites in the last week. Not all of them are positive and some just make me cry. I know I must accept responsibility for the death of Luke in some way. But...they made it impossible for me to get him back, and I was never given a chance to be the father he loved.
The last words I said to Luke....

Comments


our ~~~ lukey~~~

oh mike how are you coping'i know it aint easy for you' my heart breaks for you and~~~luke~~~ he knew his daddy loved him all the world and more' he still does' after i send him his message on g't's' i play ~~~lukes song~~~ puff the magic dragon' as to me it will always be~~ lukes song~~ you take care now stay strong do what you must for ~~~luke~~~ but keep yourself safe.love and best wishes to you and your family.x

wendy uk


Hi Wendy, thankyou for being so kind and caring

It is hard for me to do this, I break down and cry quite often. It is the only way to keep Lukey as the main part of my life. I don't know what to do with myself. Thankyou for all the tributes you have left for him. I show people what you are doing for Luke from the other side of the world and they agree, you are a wonderful person.


Michael- goodbye and what about a bill board?

*thankyou for being so kind and caring

It is hard for me to do this, I break down and cry quite often. *

"Thankyou too Michael."

Thank you too Michael,so much for asking, what you could also do to help us in our work or daily lives.
Under the circumstances, we thought that was quite wonderful, that you should Spontaneously come back with such a question.

No matter how long they leave it - or who sits on it Lukes going to be stronger in peoples minds not weaker.

You of course already know that dont you.?
Hes just one of those who you could never forget.

We dont want you to feel deserted because we cant post here anymore.
Which reminds me pls dont use my real name.

"bUT" that doesnt mean they stopped caring ,or thinking of Luke, and His Dad.

" Remember that".! and remember we are only a call away.

Also was thinking- What about a bill board with Luke on it somewhere between Cains and Townsville on the highway.

A big picture of Lukey staring down at them as they drive back and forth.

Somehow I thought that might appreal to you and Luke - yeh.

Goodbye--
( on here anyway )

Comments

Peter-Andrew: Nolan(c)'s picture

"Where I failed was not being able to be thought of as a good father by DoCS."

Michael, you did not fail here. Docs is supposed to kidnap children. No man can be a "good enough father" any more. Not even me. That is why I refuse to be a father and refer to myself as a former father. Who I am now is NOT a father as it has been made clear to me that it is impossible to be a "good enough father".

If it is impossible to be a "good enough father" then let those who criticise me do without me. Let's see how they like that.